the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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