So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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