if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
