i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need water and some morals
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
