great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
