I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A bitchslap is in order.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
