What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
