Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
