I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
