I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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