My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
