i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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