I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
