he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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