i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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