So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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