I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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