it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
