can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
