Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
