Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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