the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
