Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
