Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
