i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
