Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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