For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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