Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
