found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
