i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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