do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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