Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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