Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't deserve a penis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
