just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
