A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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