Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
