Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
