My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
