Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize