im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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