i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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