I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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