no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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