My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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