I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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