I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
