atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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