I must be too annoying 4 u.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
