so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
