that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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