had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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