why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
