Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
