So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
