my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
