Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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