I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
