he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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