she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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