remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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