hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
