Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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