My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
