I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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