remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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