No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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