Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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