I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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