1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
