my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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