I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
