what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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