You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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