the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize