then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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